I read a study recently that found women were more likely to apologize than men. It’s not about owning up to bad behavior; both men and women apologize if they feel they’ve done something wrong. It’s that men have a “higher threshold” for bad behavior. Women may apologize for waking a friend at night, while men often don’t sweat the small stuff. According to the study, women apologize because they feel bad about doing anything they consider offensive.

At first, this kind of pissed me off. But then I thought maybe this explains all the men who seem to let things go easily and don’t seem so stressed. Many women do tend to be reactive and find more actions offensive. We stress out, our nerves run thin, and many things can seem offensive in that state of mind. Rationality and calm are not always common traits among women, and we sometimes gravitate toward therapy or yoga just to feel more relaxed.

But the guys could have more consideration. They are not usually ones to admit fault right away, even if they are guilty, and they take problems too lightly at times. If I woke a friend in the middle of the night, of course I’d apologize. If I forgot to pick something up at the store when I said I would, then yes—that deserves at least an “I’m sorry.” They could certainly learn to acknowledge the small things more often. Still, not every mistake needs to become a major conflict.

Women tend to find more things offensive and apology-worthy when they are in relationships, sometimes as much as 30% more. The disconnect in communication is ever-present. We need to communicate everything we find offensive so we don’t build resentment, or accept that we won’t get the apology we crave and carry on. Surely there is a happy medium? I’m guilty of over-apologizing, even to the cashier if she gives me the wrong change. At least now I’ll be more conscious when I’m doing it.